QUESTIONS FROM TOURISTS

JUST FOR FUN

THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT SOUTH AFRICA WERE POSTED ON A SOUTH AFRICAN TOURISM WEBSITE AND WERE ANSWERED BY THE WEBSITE OWNER JUST BEFORE THE SOCCER WORLD CUP 2010


Question: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
Answer: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks?  (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only a couple of thousand kilometers...take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa?  (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay?  (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?  (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big Island in the middle of the Pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh, forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday nigth in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?  (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is...oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa?  (France)
A:  No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population?  (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa?  (Germany)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q. Are there killer bees in South Africa?  (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?  (Spain)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum.  (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-me-ri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help?  (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

















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